Musings of a Dead Parrot

Some of my favorite sketches whose scripts I can find on the internet. Even without the video, I got tears in my eyes laughing at Celebrity Jeopardy.

Celebrity Jeopardy
Theodoric, Medieval Barber
Fluckers Jam
Bass O Matic
Lord and Lady Douchebag
More Cowbell
Job Interview
I Hate It When That Happens
Jackie Rogers Jr.'s $100,000 Jackpot Wad
Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood
Buckwheat Sings
James Brown Celebrity Hot Tub
Girl Watchers
Succinctly Speaking
The All Drug Olympics
Bush vs. Dukakis Presidential Debate
Holiday Treats - Schweddy Balls

Now, now. You know Mommy's dead. Don't bother the pretty lady. Hi, I'm Peyton.

Yesterday in San Diego, two executives of a fence building company were sentenced for knowingly hiring illegal immigrants. Their punishment includes 180 days of home confinement and 1040 hours of community service. They also were fined several hundred thousand dollars.

As I heard this, a realization dawned on me. Home confinement? I work from home. There are days I feel tethered to my computer and phone. I may go outside to pick up the paper. I may walk to the grocery store or to Subway. But there certainly are stretches of several days where my car does not move.

Community service? I do 150, 200 hours each year of volunteer work.

Fines? Well, I live in California. I pay a lot of taxes.

So what is the difference between the punishment for the businessmen who broke the law and my general day-to-day lifestyle?

If you really wanted to punish the businessmen, make them spend three hours each day in LA traffic with no air conditioning and no cell phone. A sig alert every day. They are type A personalities? Make them late for every appointment. That seems to me to be more of a tough sentence than home confinement.

I love South Park. I never get tired of their social satire and parody. Rolling Stone ranked their top 25 moments from the first 10 seasons

Rolling Stone's Top 25 Moments From South Park

The list skews to more recent episodes, but the fact is that you can find multiple highlights in almost every episode. Ranking them is a futile exercise except for one consensus - the conclusion of Scott Tenorman Must Die is the most memorable, disgusting, hilarious scene they ever wrote.

My personal favorite though -”Every election is a choice between a s**t sandwich and a giant douche.” This seemed particularly appropriate in October, 2004 right before the presidential election.

Swiss Accidentally Invade Liechtenstein

Can't you just hear Emily Littella commenting on this incident? "Never mind."