Musings of a Dead Parrot

I think I will make my first blog entry a list of thoughts for the day (of course I did not write these but I don't think they are copywritten so I don't think I have to offer attribution). Next time I will post something more original.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. No one is listening until you fart.
5. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
11. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
12. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
13. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
14. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
15. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
16. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
17. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butts. ... then things get worse.
18. The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

# posted by The O'Brien's Team @ 8:15 PM